buffyfan_5
Each time you open a book and read it,
A tree smiles knowing there’s life after death
Unknown (via fawun)

NO DAMMIT I’M NOT GONNA START CRYING I’m gonna start reading my notes because that’s literally the only way I have to study for this damn exam that’s happening at 8:30 am

Ugggh. And the plan is to go to bed around 11:30… And get up at 7:30

But really this final hardly matters as long as I don’t totally blow it because I just want to get As in my 2 major classes and then even if I get solid Bs in my other two classes my overall GPA should still be like a 3.8 which would still get me magna cum laude (and dean’s list for the semester, barely)

katej09 said:

I’ll be in Ireland in 4 weeks! Are you going for vacation? My sister lives there so I’m going to visit and sightsee!!

Cool! My college choir is going on a tour May 5-15. We’re doing a sort of southern circuit starting and ending in Dublin. I think we have a performance every other day or so.

I just realized that less than two weeks from now I’ll be in Ireland. What the what. Maybe feeling a little excited again. :)

Every time finals happen, I feel like I have no idea how to study. I mean I should probably start by reading the two chapters for my afternoon final tomorrow but how do I study for the morning one? How will I have time to do my whole study guide (forgot about that until this morning, whoops) tomorrow evening for my Thursday morning one? alfjalsfj

So close. So close. I just want a 4.0 in my major and magna cum laude. So stressful.
Maybe I can finally lower my standards in grad school? I mean, probs not, but let’s dream.

And I’ve done 2 advisor evals and 2 course evals so far but I have 3 more course evals to do and ugggh.
At least I got up earlier than usual? And of course, no classes today.

Well, now that I’ve spent two or three hours half-asleep at my desk just browsing stuff on the web, I’m going to actually go to bed.

No studying yet. 2 finals Wednesday. ldfjalskfjasfsa

I feel like I make really horrible choices about using my time but then I’m like, if these are my horrible choices then hahahaha I’m doing great.

Wtf, why can’t I stay awake?? It’s only 9:30! I’m sitting here trying to watch The Following but I can’t keep my eyes open.

Bones: The Nail in the Coffin

You know shit’s gettin’ real when they have an intro/previously sequence this long…

Read More

I don’t even have the brain power right now to do course evals, much less start studying…

Honestly I think I would have started doing work if we didn’t have choir 5:30-7 but I feel like I’m being robbed of my time today so fuck dat.
Going to hateeeeeee myself tomorrow trying to study for basically 2.5 exams (Wednesday 8:30, Wednesday 2:00, Thursday 8:30) and still go to bed in time to get up early. I hope none of them take the whole 3 hours.

And then I’ll have some time to relax while I study for my last exam which is Monday at 8:30. Then I get one single day to do whatever I want, and then senior events and choir rehearsals and graduation and packing and leaving and….. Ugh. One day.

Some Inception shit going on here…. I am watching Bridesmaids and Annie’s life is worse than mine and she’s watching Castaway and I think Tom Hanks wins the shit life contest…

All I wanted this weekend was a caramel frappe from McDonald’s but I kept only thinking about it when we weren’t near one and then we finally went to get one earlier today before we got back to school and their fucking frappe machine was broken.

I got 3 new dresses this weekend for senior events & shit and then we realized two of them had holes, so mom sewed those.
And we had to go like at least 4 or 5 different places this weekend to find sweaters, and white fancy-ish shoes, and a phone case but finally found all of that.
I had unreasonable trouble getting my text backup from my old phone to e-mail to me. I finally got it but I haven’t checked to see if I can actually open it
The store had unreasonable trouble transferring my contacts
Mom had unreasonable trouble getting through the process on the automated system to transfer my number, but once that was finally done it only took like 20 minutes when the thing said 4-24 hours.
I know I’m forgetting like 2 or 3 other things.

I brought a burger back with me from McDonald’s but for the third day in a row I am not at all hungry at supper time. I actually didn’t eat anything last night, from like 2 yesterday afternoon to like 8 this morning. I haven’t decided if I’m going to be able to eat this tonight because it’s not just that I’m not hungry but I’m having that emotional kind of I’m-going-to-puke feeling.

I need to get all this shit out of my head for a week so I can take care of finals.
I just remembered we have rehearsal tomorrow night. Dammit.

Allrighty.

I told mom it’s a good thing I didn’t have more homework to do this weekend besides that paper Friday because I’m barely coping as it is, things would have been a real shit show.

I kind of want to go sit in the common room with friends but literally all I feel like doing is laying on my side and zoning out…

I guarantee you this won’t be worth it.

My weekend is ruined. Has been fucking shit.
The next two weeks will be shit.
My graduation will be an obstacle.

Because of this goddamned trip. Fuck all.
I hereby request of life not a single “omg magical opportunity” moment ever occur again. Because then I feel obligated to take it. And then  I  hate  everything.  Because this would be shit to plan for if everything was well and good and normal.
But I’m home for a total of 3 days in the 2 or so months leading up to it.
And even if I had a car to get stuff at school I  do  not  have the time
And I have like none of this shit already because I don’t fucking go places
And all of this goddamned phone-switching, here’s-a-tablet shit at the same damn time
And we haven’t had a single fucking meeting about the trip
and our damned travel company is offering absolutely no specific information except the itinerary (which still isn’t finalized)
And we’re leaving two days after graduation
I don’t get to come home. I don’t get to see most of my family (because only a few people are willing to drive up, thanks a lot, I’m just like the only person in this generation on either side of the family that has or possibly will ever graduate from a 4-year institution). I don’t get to have a party. I don’t get to see my cat. I don’t get to unwind. I don’t get to actually have the enjoyment or the true realization that I’ve just graduated. And by the time we get home graduation will be a long-forgotten thing of the past that feels like a lifetime ago and everything will be about the damn trip, from everyone who sees me, for months
And let’s be honest I fucking hate anything that involves large groups
Here I’ve been home for two days and had one family gathering and I am crawling out of my skin needing to be alone and everything to be quiet, 11 days is going to be fucking great
I get grouchy when I’m on my feet all day
I’ll miss an episode of Hannibal
I’ll miss the season finale of Bones
I’ll miss both weeks of the 2-part season finale of Criminal Minds

This is going to be like the two times I’ve made 3-day trips to NYC with large groups and hated it. Hated it so much I don’t really even want to go back alone to try to enjoy it. Group trips at convenient times from home with adequate preparation ruined New York fucking City for me, how the hell is this shit going to go.

All because it’s a good opportunity. And I would feel left out if I didn’t go.

Fuck all.

I’m about to do the only thing for myself, the only thing that I have actually wanted to do all weekend, the only thing in either category that I will get to do all weekend, and watch last week’s episode of Those Who Kill. And hope to god everyone will shut up and stop asking me questions long enough to do it.

Let’s not even think about how I don’t have half of this shit nor do I have together what I do have and we’re supposed to fucking leave here by 8 in the morning and have everything ready? Bullshit. And again not to mention where the fuck I’m going to put all this stuff in my dorm room.

This  will  not  be  worth  it.
If only I’d realized that 5 months and $2500 ago.

Oh, and I still have to do finals.
And all those goddamned senior week events.

No.